Snow

Yes, finally...


...it's snowing in Sheffield


...and the forecast is getting increasingly bleak!!

#24 Bunchers

Alrite Geez? Fancy taking a butcher's at mi blog? Well put your plates up, and make yourself at home...

Yes, it's true, I'm a cockney. Even though I'm not even from London, let alone the East End, let alone within the sound of the Bow Bells, "cockney" is the closest regional stereotype. As (Yorkshireman) Rob pointed out to me, anyone from the South is either cockney (East), or a tractor-driving, pasty-eating Cornish smuggler (West). It will therefore, be very interesting to see how my accent has changed when I get back home. The betting opens next week...

▪ Northern (Yorkshire): 3/1
▪ Cockney (South East): 5/1
▪ Scouse (North West): 10/1
▪ Brummy (Midlands): 30/1
▪ Cornish (South West): 50/1

I've also learnt several new words, most of which are completely made up. This week's new words:

buncher (noun) *
one who distributes bunches of jip:
"What an absolute buncher"

blinking flip (exclam) **
see: flippin' heck!


Saturday last week was a disaster. I attempted to go shopping (not one of my favourite pastimes anyway), but ended up walking round and round in circles, unable to find a single thing I wanted. Plus, being Saturday, it was packed full of people, and annoying Christmas promotions (of which more later). After eventually finding something to buy, I got it back to the room to find they'd left a great big security tag on the sleeve. Hence, I had to trudge all the way down to the city again on Tuesday to exchange the bloody thing.

Saturday night was cards night: I ended up teaching the others how to play "7s", and left with a sore forehead after playing some game involving slapping the afore-mentioned body part everytime a pair of matching cards appeared. The following game of "Snap" was not so violent, but by then the damage had been done, and I lost miserably.

Annoyingly, Christmas has already begun. Sadly, I missed the switching-on of the Sheffield Christmas lights on Sunday (attended by Postman Pat, Dick & Dom and G4 no less), but there's no missing the Christmas decorations that have already sprung up around the city. Even the canteen staff have started playing the Festive Remix CDs... it's not even December yet!!!

Skip a few days to last night, when we went on a pub crawl (of sorts) and ended up at the indie disco. Sadly, we missed the karaoke at the York, and we missed Yorkshire Rob's selections on the blatently-fixed Notty House jukebox, but we did get into the Leadmill before it closed. Which is always a bonus. Sadly, my lectures today have had to suffer with an attendance of "one-less-than-usual"...


Right, I'm fed up of writing now: cue some bullet points...

▪ Did you know? Eminem's debut single actually samples Chaz'n'Dave? It's true: the bassline that Mathers samples (called 'I Got The', available to listen to here) was actually performed by the cockney geezers themselves on instruments!!

▪ English is a truely universal langauge (very now select here)

▪ Thing that's wound me up the most this week: people who walk in groups of two or three and take up the whole width of the pavement, then, when the pavement gets wider, spread out, so that still no-one can get past them. Grr.

▪ George Bush is stupid (see here)

▪ And finally... girlfriends are useful, if only for carrying cameras


Elitist chant of the week:
(Sung by University of Sheffield students to Sheffield Hallam students)
"Your dad works for my dad"

Lyrics of the week:
"Patience is like bread, I'd say.
I ran out of that yesterday."

Public service announcement

Be aware of a new car-jacking scheme...

You return to your car left in a car park, unlock your car and get inside, start the engine and shift into reverse. When you look into the rear view mirror to back out of your parking space, you spot a piece of paper stuck to the middle of the rear window.

Switch off the car (with the keys in the ignition) or leave the engine running and jump out of your car to remove that paper (or whatever it is) that is obstructing your view... when you reach the back of the car...

The car-jackers appear out of nowhere, jump into your car and take off. It's a really simple steal: the door's unlocked, keys in the ignition, maybe with the engine still running.

Pretty clever though, you'll have to admit.

#23 Local

Hello, me again.

What with all these poems, books and plays to get through, it's a wonder the universities don't set aside a week so that we can get it all done without having to worry about lectures or seminars. They could call it - oh, I don't know - Reading Week, perhaps?

OK, I'm just bitter that I had to stay here and do some work while seemingly every one of my mates from back home (and some from here) swanned off home last week. Rather than being able to treat it as a half-term holiday, I had to slave away over an essay and attend a lecture - both, handily, in the middle of the week. Bah. But, if I'm allowed to live my life through other people - and give me one good reason why I shouldn't - I didn't have too bad a time of it!

I got to speak to loads of people at the weekend. Elyse (in Cambridge) doesn't get a reading week anyway, but looking at what she got up to she had a pretty cool weekend! A formal dinner and a student theatre production on Friday; punting down the Cam and watching a film on Saturday... the closest we have to that in Sheffield is taking the tram on a rainy day! I also got to hear about some of the strange Cambridge customs: walking on the grass lawns of some colleges can lead to you being expelled!! And that's not even when they're grazing cattle on them... (don't ask!)

Plus I got to speak to Adèle, who was visiting Cambridge after going to a wedding the day before, but only for a quick "hello, how are you?". Croasdell's been back to Dartford; I hear that Garner has been home (travelling from Scotland, that's quite a trek!); Mandeep's been a-visiting Read and Shiret!! in Canterbury... Still, there's not long now until we can all meet up down The Tollgate again for over-priced watered-down beer...

Finally, in local news: I must now have the look of a Sheffield resident, because today I was asked for directions for the third time since getting here! Everyone seems to want to know where the hospital is, too. Maybe I look like a doctor...


Quote of the week:
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing.
If you can fake that, you've got it made.

#22 Burnt

Word. Here be the latest bulletin from Sheffield.

For a start, I know now that I made the right choice coming to Sheffield to study. Even if the courses are rubbish and my degree sucks, what a story for the grand-kids! Yes, I was in Sheffield in 2005: The age of the Arctic Monkeys, the birth of the South Yorkshire music scene... 'tis true: Sheffield is the new Manchester. Which was the new London. For a while.

I love finding things that I know are going to be a huge success before everyone else. When you tell everyone about them, you look infinitely cool: Just ask Tom Ford. I discovered Hard-Fi way back in January, when I bought their album and nearly went to one of their earliest gigs. So now they're all big and mainstream, I feel qualified to gloat a little.

The problem is when you don't tell anyone at the time. Because then when you say "I heard that ages ago", no-one believes you. That 'London Underground' song: I heard and downloaded that years ago, but only now is it all the rage as a real-sound ringtone. Bah. Similarly, I heard one of the contenders for this year's Christmas Number One ages ago too. Again, I didn't tell anyone, but I did download the track. So computer experts may be able to verify my story. It's the JCB Song by Nizlopi. Just to steal anyone else's thunder, check it out for yourself: Link

Friday last was bonfire night for me. What with half the campus swanning off home for the week, Saturday night wasn't looking like a big night out. So it was off to the local Catholic Chaplaincy's fireworks "doo". It was a good night, with scores of us packed into the house and garden, but a little scary too! For a start, one of the firework-lighters attempted to start the display by setting light to the nose-cone of the rocket. I'm not sure she'd done it before. After that, a wayward spark managed to find its way onto my neck. Luckily, my (now singed) scarf took the worst of it. The burgers were nice though...

On Sunday night, we went to see a film down at the Union: The Green Mile, starring Tom Hanks. Ever Since Cast Away, I haven't been too keen on Hanks, but he's in fine form in this 2000 production. It's a gruelling three-hours long, but well worth it. It's an odd experience: basically it revolves around executing prisoners in the electric chair, but there's a supernatural twist. On being asked how I found the film afterwards, I said that I'd enjoyed it. I corrected myself at the time, but now I stand my that original comment. I really enjoyed it, because it wasn't your typical film. It made you think, smile (a little), and cry (metaphorically). So go and see it.

Finally, some random stuff. I've been sampling the delights of BBC Radio Sheffield this week: it's a pretty good station: the "Raw Talent" show is the best for playing out all the great new music coming out of South Yorkshire at the moment. It's available online, too, so listen to it if you get the chance. One small point, though: the station's jingle is absolute pap.


People I've mortally offended this week: 1

Proudest moment of the week:
Out-Frenching a Frenchman with my poetic language

Number 1

People sometimes ask - "What was number 1 in the charts on the day you were born?". Usually, they hope to be able to ridicule you for being born in a week when some really embarrassing group were top of the charts with a spoof record about carrots; sometimes, it's actually annoyingly cool.

I've always told people - after looking it up on one website - that the re-release of Jackie Wilson's Reet Petite was top of the pops on Wednesday, 21 January, 1987. But then, after testing my birthday again to show someone, a different song came up!!

Apparently there had been a mix-up, because although the charts are published on a Sunday, the date of the chart is given as the following Saturday's: the "week ending..." date is given. Jackie Wilson was number 1 the week before I was born, but Steve "Silk" Hurley was number 1 week ending January 24 with Jack Your Body!!

I was actually quite gutted. Granted, Jack Your Body has been mashed up for a relatively cool Citroen advert, but it's just not the same, is it? Feeling a little low, I decided to have a look around this second website: the Quirky Number 1s page would probably cheer me up, I thought... and how!!!

The Number One 'That Got Away With It'
Steve 'Silk' Hurley - "Jack Your Body"

Strict chart rules govern which releases are eligible for the chart. One such rule stipulated the maximum playing time allowed on a 12" single (to avoid it being classed as an album). Unfortunately, nobody spotted that the 12" version of Steve 'Silk' Hurley's 1987 track "Jack Your Body" exceeded the maximum playing time. Its sales were incorporated into the overall total for the title. It, thus, enjoyed two weeks at number one in January of that year. In fact, it should never have been there! The effect was that Jackie Wilson's re-issue of "Reet Petite" (which it 'knocked off the top') should have enjoyed a fifth week at the summit and Aretha Franklin & George Michael's "I Knew You Were Waiting (For Me)" (which eventually replaced it at the top) was deprived of its first week (of what should have been three) atop the chart.

So there! I'm still claiming Reet Petite!

#21 Ordinary

How do! Here's another pile of bloggage for you to get through...

In terms of exciting things happening, Sunday takes the crown because it was Sunday night that I wnet to my first 'proper' gig - The Ordinary Boys at the Sheffield Fusion. Granted, I've been to see one of my favourite artists in concert before, but that was sitting-down (and amazing). This was the first time I've had the chance to get crushed down the front mid-mosh, have water chucked over me by people trying to cool down, and taking one hellova blow to the stomach in the process of jumping up and down while punching the air...

The night started with one of the quietest bands I've come across. In-between songs, I mean. The only time the lead singer spoke was to confirm their identity (I didn't understand a word) and town of birth (somewhere in America). They played a few songs, they left the stage. Moving on, then...

The support act were the excellent Bedouin Soundclash, whose rendition of When The Night Feels My Song made the stereotypical "I only came to the gig to watch the support act" bloke behind me very happy indeed. That's assuming him jumping up and down in glee means he was happy. To be fair, it was excellent. They said to look out for a single coming out at the end of this year - I'd recommend it off the back of their set... if only for ripping the good lyrics out of Clash songs, and 'sampling' them live!

To be honest, I'm not sure I could put together a full set-list for the Ordinaries themselves! I know they kicked off with the fantastic Brassbound; I also remember they played the song that got me into the band in the first place: Seaside. That one was also the very first song I ever downloaded, too (a story for the grand-kids, there). Boys Will Be Boys; the un-censored version of The List Goes On revealed an alternative pronounciation for the word "tripe"; and even a splash of The Ramones thrown in for good measure! On An Island went down a storm, but most people don't know the words to the last verse; Talk Talk Talk suffered no such problems, and was screamed back at them. B-side Little Bubble was there too.

All in all, and excellent night. It must be so strange to hear the crowd chant "Ordinary-Ordinary-Ordinary" after your set, and feel chuffed with yourselves! But as (lead-singer) Sam said himself - "you can't beat a bit of Ordinary Boys on a Sunday evening"...


I've found a few interesting things on the web this week (as part of my research, obviously), so rather than post them in one of those annoying e-mails, I thought I'd put a few up here...

Channel 4 was 23 this week. When they first launched in 1982, every programme was introduced with the same logo and the same music. But because they didn't own the copyright to the tune, they had to pay the composer £3.50 everytime they broadcast a show! Only after eleven years of paying out £1,000 a week did they get fed up and drop the tune!!



Quote of the week:
- "I see dead people..."
- "You work in a morgue."

Encounter of the week:
- "Excuse me, are you Clarkey?"
- "No."
- "Oh, sorry mate"