#36 Blog wars

The warning shots have been fired... the stakes have been raised... The gauntlet has hit the floor. In a Thatcher-like move, this blog now faces stiff competition from its rivals (possibly in an attempt to improve the quality of choice for you, the consumer) (but probably not). Welcome, therefore to the new, all-singing, all-dancing Thursday blog.


We're already in week 2 here at Sheffield, and whilst that may annoy those of you that have been snowed under with work since New Year's Day, at least your family haven't been gloating to you that they are currently enjoying half-term this week. Despite the fact they're only doing mildly interesting things anyway (paintballing aside), it's till hugely preferable to the extremely tedious Renaissance English and Philosophy lectures that I've had to sit through this week...

Highlight of this week's lectures:
A discussion on the staple diet of moon-elephants
(it's cheese, obviously)


A fairly busy weekend (compared to my usual routine of sleeping off the week) was kicked off last Friday, down Ranmoor Bar (where else?) and celebrating Alice's Birthday. Although not celebrating the big "1-9" until Saturday, the bar was sadly all booked up for it's Valentine's Day special. That'll be the "Pimps & Hookers" party then. For fairly blatant reasons, this didn't really appeal so instead that night was set aside for a decent round of takeaway food...

Number of VK Cherrys needed to get Alice drunk
: ¼


Saturday day was taken up watching the rugby -- what with it being the one month that everyone is interested in egg-chasing -- and Saturday night spent down at the Union for Pop Tarts. Well, it makes a change from the same 30 indie songs being played at the Leadmill and any chance to dance to all the 1980s classics should never be passed up. In a moment of clear thinking that Mr Croasdell would be proud of, my "warm-up" music for the night was from none other than Heart's Club Classics. Oh yes.

It's gettin', it's gettin', it's gettin' kinda heavy
It's gettin', it's gettin', it's gettin' kinda heavy
I've got the power!!

How do you follow that display of high culture? Well with an arty Spanish film of course, and so I was down the fantastic Union cinema on Sunday night for Y Tu Mamá También ... plans to go and see Sophie Scholl were scuppered by my inability to read a clock (whoops) but with any luck, those skills will return and get me to Tim Burton's Corpse Bride on Saturday.


Adjective of the week:
Volcanic


And now, in order to fulfil this blog's new-found public service remit... the rest of this week's gwanings in bullet-point form

▪ The eagerly-awaited new and improved! Supertrams have arrived... the new and improvement stemming from the fact they've been painted blue; ▪ If you're a songwriter and your tune gets played on Channel 4, you get £14.69 in royalties... but if it gets played on ITV1, you get £52.36!; ▪ 3 actually pay you for receiving calls and texts now; ▪ Three things I miss from home: my car (I really want to go out for a drive), gas ovens (because they actually cook food properly), and Jazz FM (because I've got its jingle stuck in my head... but I can't remember how it ends); ▪ I've bought tickets this week to go and see noise-making nutcases The Go! Team for next week and indie rock gods Maxïmo Park for October (well, it gives me something to come back for); ▪ ...and bagged myself a new MP3 player for just £20 (I love Richer Sounds!)

Sad news story of the week: Simon (the sarcastic Jewish one) and erm... the other one have both left Popworld - probably because the producers were finding it increasingly difficult to get bands to appear on the show because it was seen as too nasty. This is the same week that Smash Hits magazine prints its last issue because it was too nice.


Here endeth the battle. See you again next week when I can conscript some more random bilge.

#35 Nightmares

You'll be glad to know that I've finally had to get down to some work this week, so I'm now on (slightly) more level ground with those of you who have been slaving away since January. This has meant spending the week being introduced to all my lecturers and seminarers, some of whom fit very nicely into the genre of "slightly-crackpot".

In no particular order then, here's a quick "what else I've been up to this last week..."

Been and watched the rugby... after a slightly shaky first half, England looked far more convincing in the second, and soundly beat the Welsh on Saturday. This was satisfying not just because England had won, but also because the 3 Welshmen in the pub were severely regretting cheering so loudly before half-time. Final score: England 47 - 13 Wales

Saturday was also Christina's birthday (Χρονια Πολλα!). To celebrate, dinner was down at Las Iguanas in town. Not wanting to waste the opportunity to eat a decent meal for a change, it was a tough decision between chicken (safe option, but hearty) or something a little more adventurous (you only live once, etc). Needless to say the chicken won.

The notion that Sunday night is quiz night was also subject to further disruption this week. Not only was there no sign of the Caxmeister, but even the bar-staff seemed unsure as to his whereabouts... I fear his last chance may have expired, as next Sunday I'll be off down the union to see "Y Tu Mamá También"...

It would be criminal to come all the way up to Sheffield and not see one of their teams play, so we head down to Bramall Lane on Monday night to see the Blades take on Watford. Being used to non-league football, it was strange to be watching a game from an altitude of more than 2 feet, but the atmosphere was superb - especially considering the game was live on Sky Sports. Along with about 20,000 other people, we saw 5 goals, a fight, a red card, several yellows, The Worst Application Of The Off-Side Rule Ever™ and, last but also least, Ade Akinbiyi. Final score: Sheffield United 1 - 4 Watford

Which rekindled the "where is the Midlands?" argument: we know the South starts below Watford Gap, and the North starts just below Sheffield, but where does the line go? Hmmm...


Random other stuff:

▪ Bought a saucepan and new mug (for hot lemonade, of course); ▪ Got a haircut that I'm not happy with (but then never am); ▪ Watched TV again! Chelsea's 4-1 win over Everton; ▪ Explained that Chelsea is a place, and it's in London; ▪ Sampled the delights of Pink Floyd - 'Bike'; ▪ Given someone the nick-name Rock Lobster; ▪ Heard how everyone seems to be having nightmares this week

Islam vs Cartoons

In an attempt to be serious for a moment, here is my two-penny's worth on the Prophet Mohammed cartoon saga. The reason being the fact that this is one of very few news stories that I can't actually make up my mind about.

In September last year, right-wing Danish newspaper Morgenavisen Jyllandsposten printed a series of twelve cartoons, some depicting the Prophet Mohammed. More than this, the cartoons depicted him as a terrorist: one of the most striking shows his turban as a comedy-style bomb. The point was not to dismiss all Muslims as terrorists, merely to remind us that Islam is not squeaky-clean: we support them as we do any faith in a fight against terrorism, but their views do not tally with ours: extreme repression of women is just one example.

That aside, to Muslims, any representation of Mohammed is strictly forbidden and therefore highly disrespectful. We could argue, then, that the people to blame here are the reporters and editor of Morgenavisen Jyllandsposten. In such a politically volatile world, taking a step such is this seems designed to merely provoke a reaction.

But the publication of these cartoons broke no law: in a free society, why can't these pictures be printed? In theory, to the "neutral", what makes these pictures any different from a cartoon of God? Or Jesus? Or the Buddha? Or the one with loads of arms? We live in a society where the press has complete freedom of expression, after all. Morally, the decision is less sound: of course, we should still be respectful to other cultures.

Here's where the tale gets ugly. Sensing an opportunity to stir up trouble, the cartoons quickly found their way over to the Middle East and other prominent-Muslim nations. Indeed...

"Last November, Abu Laban, a 60-year-old Palestinian who had served as translator and assistant to top Gamaa Islamiya leader Talaal Fouad Qassimy during the mid-1990s and has been connected by Danish intelligence to other Islamists operating in the country, put together a delegation that travelled to the Middle East to discuss the issue of the cartoons with senior officials and prominent Islamic scholars. The delegation met with Arab League Secretary Amr Moussa, Grand Imam of Al-Azhar Sheikh Mohammad Sayyed Tantawi, and Sunni Islam’s most influential scholar, Yusuf al Qaradawi. “We want to internationalize this issue so that the Danish government will realize that the cartoons were insulting, not only to Muslims in Denmark, but also to Muslims worldwide,” said Abu Laban.

On its face, it would appear as if nothing were wrong. However, the Danish Muslim delegation showed much more than the 12 cartoons published by Jyllands Posten. In the booklet it presented during its tour of the Middle East, the delegation included other cartoons of Mohammed that were highly offensive, including one where the Prophet has a pig face. But these additional pictures were NOT published by the newspaper, but were completely fabricated by the delegation and inserted in the booklet (which has been obtained and made available to me by Danish newspaper Ekstra Bladet). The delegation has claimed that the differentiation was made to their interlocutors, even though the claim has not been independently verified. In any case, the action was a deliberate malicious and irresponsible deed carried out by a notorious Islamist who in another situation had said that “mockery against Mohamed deserves death penalty.” And in a quintessential exercise in taqiya, Abu Laban has praised the boycott of Danish goods on al-Jazeera, while condemning it on Danish TV." - Source


The Saudi Arabian ambassador is recalled from Denmark after the government there refuses to apologise. The newspaper later apologies, and the Prime Minister applauds this but (rightly) maintains: how is the government responsible for what a newspaper based in its country?? Bomb threats are sent to the newspaper's offices.

Danish - and bizarrely, other Scandinavian - companies were boycotted. Muslims stopped buying Lurpak Spreadable in their droves. So much so, Arla Foods went out of business in the region, and were forced to lay off all 100 staff: their sales actually hit zero.

Madness ensues. We get to January, and French newspaper France Soir publishes the pictures to show people what all the fuss was about. Within a day, the editor has been fired. Publications in Germany, Italy and Holland also re-print the photos. So far, their only appearance in Britain has been in a wide-angled shot on BBC News 24. Of course they are all available online, but I have chosen not to publish them here.

You might be able to find them at http://face-of-muhammed.blogspot.com though.


Yesterday, the European Union's office in Gaza was surrounded by masked gunmen. Were they prepared to kill?

Reporters Without Borders said the reaction in the Arab world "betrays a lack of understanding" of press freedom as "an essential accomplishment of democracy." Muslim groups argue that the cartoons simply reinforce incorrect stereotypical views of the Islamic faith - which they do, and I agree with this view whole-heartedly. I'm still torn, however, over whether they should have been published or not.

France Soir's front cover carried the headline "Yes, we have the right to caricature God". The cartoon below shows a number of gods sitting on a cloud, with the Christian god telling Mohammed that they've all had to put up with it in the past. I can't help finding this funny (for a French joke, anyway) but also worry it completely misses the point.

Yes, we must respect the views of others: but should that be at the expense of freedom? The freedom to - dare I say it - criticize an oppressive regime?

#34 Entertainment-drama phenomenon

Considering I've not actually had anything to do this week, it's been quite a busy one...

Way back last Friday, we journeyed across to Centertainment (see what they've done there?) and the Cineworld in particular to see Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon's latest film, "A Cock & Bull Story". Unfortunately for a comedy, the funny parts were both unintentional, and few and far between:

▪ The trailers before the film started
▪ The mere appearance of David Walliams on screen
▪ The womb scene (you have to see it, really)
▪ The numpty who dived into the revolving doors of the cinema, only to go head first into the pane in front of him and get stuck in a Superman-esque position with everyone looking at him


Alas, a far superior British comedy was being shown on Saturday night at the Union's cinema... "Wallace & Grommit and The Curse Of The Were-Rabbit". Now that really was good: it ripped off so many other films, and used some rabbit-related jokes that even I'd steer clear of, but was genuinely fantastic. It's nice to be able to spot all the jokes that aren't aimed at the children, too...

Still reeling from our disappointment with Cax, and in search of a cheap boozer, Pubs Visited This Week include The Fox & Duck - home to witnessing one of the greatest advertisements for Premiership football (that'll be West Ham's game against Fulham) - and the newly-discovered South Seas. The latter being useful for the afore-mentioned Tom to demonstrate his erm... unique pool-playing ability.

This week also saw the very-unwelcome return of the feature
Number of people I've mortally offended this week... The answer is 1.


On a not-that-unrelated topic, my membership of Facebook has yielded some interesting results. For now, I have had friend invitations from not only people I'm not that likely to speak to ever again (because they're at different unis), but also people from my own university who I've never met before in my life. I remain unconvinced by the thing, but have at least joined a group campaigning for "food" to be served in our canteen.


Random other stuff...

▪ Got far too drunk as a result of no early-morning starts this week; ▪ Sticking up possibly the greatest set of postcards I've ever seen onto my wall; ▪ Watched not only Countdown, but Deal Or No Deal and Richard & Judy in a single-sitting; ▪ Getting embroiled in a debate over the Prophet Mohammed cartoon row; ▪ Buying a funky new speaker for my laptop

1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12!

Remember Sesame Street? Remember the Pinball song? I had been searching for this song for so long, and have now finally found it!! It was by The Pointer Sisters, was incredibly funky and is also pretty rare to find on CD... although you can get it here.

#33 "15:40"

Hello again... let's clear up a few things first: I'm back in Sheffield, the essays are done, and I am now 19. Woo!

Friday night was the time to be celebrating my birthday, for I knew that an early start on Sunday morning may be hampered by any Saturday-night frivolities. In hindsight, that was probably one of the soundest decisions I've ever made. Cheap drinks -- and the fact they were being bought for me -- resulted in a great night and a very painful Saturday morning.

I say morning, I mean afternoon.

I mean day.


Sunday gave me an enormous sense of déjà vu, owing to the fact it was exactly the same as last week. I had to be up in time to catch a 10:15 train to London, an 11:30 coach to Sheffield, and eat the same sub-standard roast dinner on arrival. I did have a slightly longer chat with the coach driver this time, though:

- "Good morning"
- "Morning... thanks"

Bizarrely, there was another non-English speaker (this time from one of the South-Asian countries) talking really loudly on his mobile phone, and who also has no room for any times in his language!! Why do they have no phrase for "twenty-to-four"?!?

Equally bizarrely, there was no Notty House quiz night either. Put down to a severe lackage of potential contestants, the rest of the week was thrown madly out of the usual routine. Open University scientists are still trying to work out the effect this will have on the very fabric of the universe. Thank goodness for the itbox's Pub Quiz, eh?

Apart from handing in my essays on Monday morning, there really has been nothing else to do (as I have no exams). Gloating at the people who do is fun, but it wears off surprisingly quickly. We did sign for a house, however. The result of putting a deposit down on the place has left me in the rather depressing position of paying in all my Christmas and Birthday money, and still having a minus number in the bank account. God bless the student overdraft...

I also attempted to go shopping: my first trip to TK Maxxxxxxxx nearly killed me, as it was only after roughly 4 hours of looking through the "Medium" clothes that I recognised they were all strangely too large for me. When I did finally find something I liked, it had been priced wrong, and was in fact £40 not £11. Bah.

And that's about all I can remember for now. Expect slightly more effort next week.

#32 Houses and Housewives

I've had to take a break from writing The Most Boring Essay Of The Year So Far, so here's some more grammatically-incorrect gubbins to pass the time before tea...

I'm back in Dartford at the moment, having popped up to the City of Seven Hills for the weekend to hand in some essays and drop off half my luggage. This has meant spending the best part of 2 days of the last week travelling, so my knowledge of service stations on the M1 is coming along leaps and bounds.

Last week was Frazer's birthday, so we went "up Lahndahn" for the night. It was nice to get to see (and actually talk to) people from back here again, and getting charged the best part of £4 for a pint brought back memories. Although to be fair, 'The Slug And Lettuce' is a pretty nice establishment. Walkabout isn't too bad either, so I think we should try and get to the Sheffield branch sometime... although Australia Day is probably not the best night to choose...

Sunday was a day of coaches, trains and buses as I left for Ranmoor at - eek - half past nine in the morning. Still, it meant arriving in time for a delightful Sunday roast and, of course, the pub quiz. 19/28 before you ask.

For some reason, the African bloke sitting in front of me on the National Express could only talk to people on his mobile phone through the speaker-phone button. This meant myself and the other passengers were not only treated to him shouting a completely random language, but also his children and wife on the other end of the phone. Understandably, there wasn't a word in their language for "National Express", "Sheffield" or "Travel Interchange", but the fact they have no phrase for "Half-past Three" confused me. Do they not have time in their country?!?

What with me being an international traveller, always on the go, people to see (etc. etc.), I haven't been able to go out looking for accommodation for next year. Luckily, my two favourite future-housemates did a sterling job of going out searching (and keeping me informed by phone) on Tuesday. With any luck, I'm off to see a house on Monday and should be handing the landlord a cheque the very same day. I do have a slight worry that they've deliberately chosen a house with a small bedroom, just to see if I can actually get through the door, though!

Yes, Tuesday was the day of my return journey. I've now recognised that the reason my suitcase was so heavy on Sunday (despite the fact it was only half-full) is that the suitcase itself is so blooming heavy! I thought carrying it home (empty) would be a doddle, but I nearly pulled my arm off... I shall have to re-think my packing strategy in future.


Slightly random sighting of the day:
A one-legged pigeon at Sheffield Interchange


And so to this week, which I've spent slaving away over this poxy essay on a set of books I don't actually like or understand, but that has to be in for Monday and accounts for a third of my grade. Such is life.

I have, of course, made time for the new series of Desperate Housewives, however: despite the whole "will-Zach-shoot-Mike" cliff-hanger being a bit of a damp squib, the last scene was certainly intriguing... the second episode is on tape should I get too excited to wait until Second Chance Sunday or next Wednesday.

Equally addictive, and slightly worrying, is Big Brother. Being a Preston fan (but also a huge fan of Big Brother - the being - itself), last night's punishment was excruciating and delightful at the same time. But I really feel angry that the whole race issue has come up. If I had my way, I'd vote out Traci, Dennis and Pete. The fact that two of those three are black has nothing to do with it per se - it's the fact that they're so anti-social that gets my goat. More to the point, the whites in the house are now going to be scared to vote for them for fear of appearing racist. It's political correctness gone too far the other way. Rant over.

Right, that'll do.

2x

Desperate to put off packing my bags for Sheffield, I've discovered a new way to listen to my music collection: at twice the speed...

Franz Ferdinand - 'Walk Away'
Good (like a "professional" remix)

The Strokes - 'Last Nite'
Poor (doesn't work quite so well)

Coldplay - 'A Rush Of Blood To The Head' & others...
Good (actually sounds upbeat!)

The Dead 60s - 'Riot Radio'
Not bad

The Go! Team - 'Get It Together' & others...
Totally mental (think drum'n'base)

Damien Rice - 'Cannonball'
Bizarre (think singing through a comb to oriental music)

Gorillaz - 'Clint Eastwood'
Rubbish (apart from the beat - it's too fast already)

Blur - 'Parklife'
Good (but it does your brain in)

The Libertines - 'What Katie Did' & others...
Mental (this is what it sounds like in Pete Doherty's head)

There's a challenge for you then: find a song that sounds better at double-speed than at the standard 45rpm...

#31 Nearly done

Hello, just a quick update this week. I've finally got the second of my three essays done, so that's 5,000 words down, 2,000 to go. Sadly, the last 2,000 words are going to be the toughest because I actually have to do some proper research (rather than just sponging off Wikipedia)...

▪ I'm back off up to Sheffield at the weekend, but a fair few people were off last Saturday, so last Thursday was spent saying goodbye to people down the Tollgate. It was a little bit strange, because you realise just how different some people are now and how things have changed so much. I think this is where you can sort the proper friends from the hangers-on

▪ I've been mortally offended to hear my favourite band/role models dismissed as "chavs"

▪ I've gone and eaten hot doughnuts on Southend sea-front, sampled the delights of Grays High Street, and been slightly worried by Emma's desire to sleep in a tramp's bed

▪ Banked all my Christmas money and still managed to end up with just £25 left in the account

▪ Closed an account at NatWest without once being asked my name, my address, for any ID, or for my signature. If you ever want to annoy someone, don't bother with credit card fraud: just close their bank account. It's perfectly legal but will wind them up no-end.

#30 Happy new year

First of all, Happy New Year everyone. I hope you all had a fantastic New Year's Eve party and that you've all recovered by now! The secret must be a hearty lie-in on the morning of January the 1st...

Along with Emma and Elyse, I spent New Year's Eve down in Eynsford at Andrew's house, where we all sat outside around the fire with marshmallows and music to see out 2005. Of course, we couldn't just stop at toasting the marshmallows, and soon the evening turned into an Open-Univeristy-esque "let's see which flavour of Pringle burns the best" experiment. It's BBQ Beef.

Luckily, we were smoked out (following an over-enthusiastic attempt to get the fire stoked up a notch or two) just in time to get inside and countdown the last few minutes of the year with smiley-smiley-Natasha Kaplinkski and a slightly freaky Andrew Marr. Then, it was straight down to business and the first game of Pictionary of the year: I will admit, I may get slightly competitive whilst playing this game, but took losing (by the narrowest of margins, you understand) very well...

But how are you supposed to draw "Lake Front"?!?!


With all the important stuff out the way then, it was time for bed. For most people, anyway. I never actually slept, due to the excitement of the fireworks. Which isn't to say that I didn't find being not only woken up, but also driven home before the clock struck half-past-nine any less annoying. Or confusing.

Needless to say I went straight to bed upon reaching my house, my faith in human nature restored by the fact the rest of the family were still asleep. Unfortunately, I had to be up for the afternoon visit of the relatives, but they were fortunately very understanding of my condition.


I tend to avoid mentioning other people's names on here, usually because I don't know if they want their stories plastered all over the interweb. Also, I can't really write everything I think because everyone from my parents to the people I've met at uni read this. Plus, I do have a right to some privacy, you know.

And so therefore, shamelessly skipping more than a few days, here we are today with all the Christmas decorations now back in the loft for another year. Luckily I've got until Sunday week before I have to trek North again, but there is the small matter of 7,000 essay words to be written in the meantime.

That (and Pictionary) aside, I'd say this last week has been the best start to a year I've ever had. And I haven't even finalised my resolutions yet...