#29 MMV

Well, it's the last Thursday blog of 2005, and I've clearly run out of ideas. Enjoy this cobbled-together collection of bullet points, enjoy the last few days of 2005, and have a cracking New Year's Eve. I shall return in the New Year with a few new ideas (not radically different from what I'm doing now)...


Five of the best MSN names:
"Never argue with an idiot.
They drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience"
"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing.
If you can fake that, you've got it made."
"Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example"
"If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?"
"To the world you are just one person, but to one person you may be the world"


Best TV:
Doctor Who


Five of the best singles:
The Go! Team - 'Everyone's A VIP To Someone'
Hot Hot Heat - 'Middle Of Nowhere'
Gorillaz - 'Dare'
Doves - 'Black And White Town'
Maxïmo Park - 'The Coast Is Always Changing'


Best to keep quiet:
Katrina & The Waves


Five of the best lyrics:
"I am a dark horse/But I keep it to myself" - My Computer - 'Life'
"Blood runs through your veins/That's where our similarity ends" Editors - 'Blood'
"We're the stars of CCTV/Can't you see the camera loves me?" Hard-Fi - 'Stars Of CCTV'
"I am not an acrobat/I cannot perform these tricks for you" Maxïmo Park - 'Acrobat'
"Thank you for waiting/While I stopped creating/It's long overdue/So here's something new" Osymyso - 'Something New'


Best gig:
Damien Rice at the Paris Trianon


Five of the best albums:
The Go! Team - "Thunder, Lightning, Strike"
Maxïmo Park - "A Certain Trigger"
Bloc Party - "Silent Alarm"
Coldplay - "X&Y"
Editors - "The Back Room"


...and several more albums that I wanted to put in the list above:
The Arcade Fire - "Funeral" (released in 2004)
Hard-Fi - "Stars of CCTV" (released in 2004)
Franz Ferdinand - "You Could Have It So Much Better"
Gorillaz - "Demon Days"
Hot Hot Heat - "Elevator"
The Bravery - "The Bravery"
Kaiser Chiefs - "Employment"
KT Tunstall - "Eye To The Telescope"


Danger!
Always check for short people when attempting to dance to 'Jump Around'


Not to be confused:
A ponce & a nonce
Jack Johnson & John Jackson
Fire extinguishers & air fresheners


Five bands I should like but don't:
Queen
The Rolling Stones
The Beatles
The Arctic Monkeys
The Darkness


And finally...
"I used to be an atheist. Now I recognise I'm God."

Christmas

I hope everyone had a good Christmas. I was lucky enough to get the CDs I asked for this year, so I've been listening to the Gorillaz "Demon Days", De La Soul's "3 Feet High And Rising" and admiring The Go! Team's "Thunder, Lightning, Strike". What with being "at that difficult age", most people settled for cash or gift vouchers, so I'm sure my music collection will continue to grow...

No Christmas is complete without Boxing Day football... although this year's strange arrangements meant a trip for the mighty Dartford FC to Aveley, Essex, today instead. If you weren't there -- and let's face it, that's most of you -- you missed a three-nil victory, a punch-up, some comedy chanting, a snow-storm, and the chance to get frostbite. The 3:30 kick-off didn't help, so not only was it cold and snowy, but also pitch-black by half time.

Have a fun week: remember it's your last chance to do really silly things before dismissing them as "so 2005"...

#28 Irn-Brew

It’s strange: this time 7 days ago, I was still in Sheffield. This time 6 days ago, I was just passing a service station in Leicester. Now, it doesn’t feel like I’ve ever been away from delightful Dartford.

Granted, there are some things that I now have to get used to. The fact that I’ve been relegated to the ‘box room’ in the house, for one; the unbelievable number of chavs circulating around Dartford Market is something I’d (gladly) forgotten. But apart from that – and no offence intended to all the people I’ve met up North – Sheffield is like a distant memory at the moment...

I can just about remember the last day there, however. Thursday’s seminar was the last of the week and came complete with tea and mince pies, to boot. Then it was off to the University’s Carol Service for some festive carols and some rather eclectic mix of readers. Finally, back to block H to start and finish my packing for the journey home tomorrow.

The plan to all meet up in the Ranmoor bar for farewell drinks was sadly scuppered by Christina and Miriam’s coursework deadlines the next day, but I did at least get the chance to say goodbye to everyone I wanted to. Unfortunately, I did forget to get pictures of everyone to bring home, so I shall attempt to seek some out

After any long journey home, it’s fantastic to be greeted by a familiar sight. My shoulders and back may have ached from carrying all my worldly possessions a mile across London, but it was such a good feeling to walk out of Dartford station to hear someone shout “Bozz!” in my direction. It was from the Railway Tavern, and it was Frazer who had accompanied one Ben Telfer – still with luggage – to the bar at 4 o’clock...

Now, when trying to organise a drinks session where we could all meet up and see each other again, we realised that not everyone could make it back for Friday night. Of course, rather than wait, the decision was taken just to go out regardless. Friday night, then, was spent down the Tollgate and The Paper Moon with Tom, Big Dave and Telfer. Special mention should be given to Elyse and Emma, who both cleared their jam-packed social schedules just to be with us for the evening. Ahem.

In a similar style, Saturday night was spent out celebrating Sukrajh’s birthday. Like Christmas, this special occasion comes but once a year: the opportunity to get Sukrajh drunk was not wasted.

Monday was the first opportunity to meet up with Adèle, back from Northern Nottingham. A strange day (which involved giving directions over the phone, going to a blood donation session, a discussion on the merits of Irn-Brew, and the film ‘Shakespeare in Love’) culminated in – you guessed it – a trip down to the Tollgate, where we enjoyed a few drinks with the returnéd Mark Store and the lovely Emma. Possibly considering a career move, Elyse spent the whole evening playing Cupid: sadly without the wings/bow-and-arrow combination.

You’ll be pleased to know that I have now completed my Christmas shopping, so if you haven’t got a present from me yet, don‘t hold your breath. I’ve also taken the motor out for a spin, and despite getting horrendously lost managed to find my way back home again. And I’ve put up the Christmas tree, which means that all my ‘to do’s for this week are nearly complete.

Well, that’s about it. All that’s left for me to say is thank-you for reading and commenting over these last few months. I didn’t realise just how many of you actually read this thing until I got home, so it shows just how little work we students really do have to do. Unless you’re at Cambridge, of course.

All the best for the holidays,

Merry Christmas
Καλά Χριστούγεννα
Feliz Navidad
Joyeux Noël

Science

Apparently, this is me in an English lecture:

I'm still trying to work out if it applies to the rest of the time too...

#27 Boom

For once, I've actually got more stuff to write about than I can fit into one single blog. Yes, this last week has been the most hectic ever, with something going on every night of the week and the approach of Christmas. As The Bravery sang, "I must have had fun, because now I'm broke"...

As I mentioned last time, last Thursday night was the Chaplaincy Choir's Advent Service. The first proper festive thing I've done this year, it was all down (well, quite a bit up-hill actually) to the Church to see Kyra sing in the choir. I must admit, being a Catholic service, I did get a little bit lost. I recognised 'Ave Maria', but all my "and the same to you"s and "amen"s were misplaced...

Friday night (well, all day actually) was Sidgwick's birthday. The wee Scottish lass was only 18, bless her, so we ensured that she experienced legal drinking to its fullest potential. I shall search out some of the photos and try to get some on here - although all those taken of me reveal a cringe-worthy cheesy grin. Plus, as well as giving me a chance to dress up for a change, it was also the first opportunity to enjoy the extended licensing hours (possibly the one good idea that this government have ever had). Remarkably, despite being plied with Baileys and Vodkas for most of the night, she managed to awaken the next day before noon.

Saturday was the night of the Ranmoor Christmas Ball... however, being skint, we decided to have our own "Alternative Christmas Ball" – by which I mean buying lots of crisps and beer and listening to music in one of our rooms. But we did have crackers, so there were party hats to add to the Christmas spirit. And it didn't cost anywhere near £28 neither.

Oh dear. Sunday night was Quiz Night: frankly, we woz robbed. Finishing joint first with two other teams, it came down to the tie-breaker question. We lost that fair enough, but that's because we had to wild guess at it. What did annoy us was how we had been cheated out of a (winning) point in the sports round. Who was the last person to defeat Lennox Lewis? It was Hasim Rahman - later known as Has-been Rahman - but not according to the quiz sheet. And you don't argue with the quizmaster when he's a 6-foot-3 hench Irish bloke. Who is also the landlord. So, we missed out on our 8 pint prize.

Monday we headed to the Harley pub for the Long Blondes' Christmas gig. The chick-rock band are released their single on the same day, and the crowd was well up for a celebration. I didn't really get it, but the atmosphere was fantastic... one of the support band's rendition of 'Fairytale Of New York' was a highlight: not for the male vocalist (who was dire) but for his beautiful partner and a penny-flute solo.

I've booked the coach home to leave here earlier than the last time I went home. My logic was sound: I'll avoid the rush-hour this time, provided nothing happens on the dreaded M1 (where I spent 5 hours in a traffic jam last time)... Then they go and blow up a big oil drum. Luckily, they appear to have cleared it all up now!

This picture is well worth a plug though:


In a not-unrelated incident, Tuesday's highlight was another Fire Alarm. We know now why Fire Engines are always so bright and clean... because when the Brigade arrived to investigate, they parked as far away from the building as possible. Lest they get dirty or owt! We developed a few theories... 1: that they were on the way to Hemel Hempstead but just came to us (being nearer), or that 2: all Firemen are actually deaf.

And now, we've gone full-circle again. Wednesday night appears to be Leadmill night, but this time I was wise enough to avoid any dodgy chips on the trek back home. Today, I've been to my last seminar (where we were treated to mince pies and tea), attended the University Carol Service, and after writing this shall be packing my bags for tomorrow's trek home. See you soon!


Election slogan of the week:
Vote Bernard: For a longer tomorrow

In the Deaf Fire Brigade...
...no-one can hear you scream

#26 Halfway

Hello again. Yes, this is the 26th week of my blog, so I'm currently celebrating the six-month anniversary with a packet of Digestives, a slight headache, and an aching ear. Explanation to follow.

Well, today is my second-to-last Thursday here. I'm back off home a week tomorrow morning (and out on the town a week tomorrow evening, with any luck). As a result, everyone is getting mighty fed up of having to go to lectures all the time (but it's Christmas!) and the calendar is packed with social events rather than essay deadlines for a change.

In celebration of this fact, I actually got my hair cut. I didn't like it at first, but it's growing on me [cymbal crash]!

Our Arts Tower building is one of a few left in Britain - nay, the world - that still has a working paternoster. It looks quite scary at first, but once you're actually on the thing it takes ages to get to your floor (especially if you have to get to anywhere above the 4th). Therefore, feeling rather brave (and in an attempt to recreate those scenes in films where the hero just makes it onto the plane/train/lift/helicopter before it takes off/pulls away/moves/flies off) I decided to jump in one of the cars at the last possible moment.

Paternosters are notorious for breaking. If you shift your body weight whilst you're in the top of the building, you can break the whole thing. Sadly, this thought only occurred to me as I was halfway between the floor of the, erm... floor and the floor of the lift. I suddenly realised in mid-air that if I broke the thing, everyone would know it was me, because my face would still be level with everyone's kneecaps.

Luckily, the thing just shook violently. But in my fear, I forgot to bend my knees, and as a result had to walk around with a jarred knee for the next few hours.

Last night was spent getting to the indie disco (via a few pubs) and then dancing the night/early morning away. This explains the slight headache and ringing in the ears. The aching ear was caused by a misunderstanding between myself and Amy. Amy, thinking that it was I who text a message about her onto the Leadmill's giant screen, decided to flick my (stone-cold) ear as revenge. For some bizarre reason, it still stings.

Highlights of the night included: watching Alex Ferguson squirm as Manchester United lost 2-1; watching Alex Ferguson stand defiant after the game; getting the words "The" "Only" "Way" and "Is Up" in the wrong order; telling everyone in the Leadmill where Bernard lives; a text battle between - I kid you not - the Town & County Planning Department at Sheffield University, and the Town & County Planning Department at Sheffield Hallam University; Bing Crosby.

This is a fantastic advert, sadly banned by the lawyers.
This is also excellent: Combat Wombat

#25 Communists

Greetings comrades, join me as we learn about the toils of Bozz...

I have just come out of a lecture that could only be described by Kate as "Trotsky meets Laurel & Hardy". My Theatre Studies lectures are usually fairly dramatic anyway: it is impossible for Theatre lecturers (who are really just frustrated actors) to deliver any lecture in a dull way at the best of times. But today, we had no less than two of our lecturers working together on the same lecture.
The reason for the rather strange description is because they were talking about the 1960s and 1970s - ie: when they were at university. Hence, we got told all the stories about how they became communists, joined student theatre companies, and of course protested against the Vietnam war/for women's rights/against nuclear weapons/for more money...

This did have some highlights: the story of how the communist theatre group was not only funded by the state (through Arts Council grants), but also how in one production, the entire grant was spent on buying joints to pass around the audience. When the Arts Council found out about this, all they asked the company to do was to switch to tobacco, instead! However, one of our lecturers is fiercely against the war in Iraq, and used every opportunity to voice his opinion on the matter.

I shudder to think at the hours I've wasted this week messing around with new software on my laptop. Until now, I'd always thought that widgets were the things that made cans of Tennant's impossible to pour without a half-pint of head on them. Upon discovering Konfabulator, however, I now know that they are an endless distraction to people who like having cool stuff on their desktop. After spending a long time downloading dozens of the things, I've now managed to clear it down to just 5 basic utilities. This also means I have harnessed the power of RSS syndication for my own evil needs.

I've also taken a few more photos of the place. I decided to go for a walk to find out what life was like outside the union precinct. To my surprise, I found out there's a TV transmitter about 2 minutes up the hill from the Halls of Residence; a whole parade of shops and a 24-hour BP garage nearby that could prove very useful to know about; and quite a lot of very steep gradients to navigate. Actually, the last one wasn't that surprising. Anyway, there's a few more pictures in the gallery now, and I've also been playing with Photoshop, so expect the next batch to be chock-a-block with whizzy effects. Or not.

Other things I've done this week:

▪ Acted like a stereotypical bloke in defending Nick Hornby's 'Fever Pitch'
▪ Acted like a five-year old when it started snowing
▪ Asked my English Literature seminarer* to reply to a Tom Ford text message
▪ Started learning the Greek Alphabet (alpha, beta, gamma, delta, epsilon, zeta, eta, theta...)
▪ Had a (luckily-empty) cup of Coke thrown at me


* Seminarer (noun) - the teacher who leads seminars