#52 of 52

This is my last Story of Bozz blog entry. After 52 weeks of pointless ramblings, it’s time to bring this particular fad to a close. There are several reasons for doing so, but the fact that I’m getting bored of them is perhaps the main one.

When I started, I had a lot to say because I was writing things that I didn’t have the chance to tell people “in person”. This page gave me the opportunity – even though I didn’t use it much – to say what I really felt about things without the fear of all and sundry having a go at me for it. Having said that, anyone searching the internet could find my stuff and comment on it. Ah, I was young and idealistic...

Unfortunately, I feel now that there are just too many people who catch up with “The Story Of Bozz”. With my family reading it, I can’t really comment on life at home. With my friends from Dartford reading it, I’ve got very little left to talk to them about or surprise them with! With people at university having a look, I can’t talk about them behind their backs.

This meant writing about largely trivial stuff, and frankly that’s not what I want to be writing or what anyone wants to be reading. I loved telling people about my day in Paris year ago; I loved writing completely random entries when I felt like; but (even though I introduced it) the process of writing a blog every week has finally just got boring.

Summer’s here, so I’ll be taking this opportunity to meet up with people. There’s so much going on over the next few weeks: from the World Cup to Wimbledon, Big Brother to – eek – moving in with my own housemates... It feels like a convenient time to stop.

Found in one of my old school folders today:
It's like strangling a blind rat. Who's allergic to nuts.

I wrote a fairly slushy farewell to my first "year" of university last week, so I don’t really feel any need to put together a “best of” compilation this time. I think I’ll leave it remembering the good times – Paris, Sheffield, London, Dartford – and breezing swiftly over the bad times. It’s sunny outside, the football starts tomorrow, and they’ve just played ‘World In Motion’ on the radio. Have a fantastic summer... I’ll see you in the Beer Garden.


The End.

#51 Home

Greetings from Dartford... yes, I'm back in sunny Kent after finishing my first year of university. After a long journey yesterday, everything is finally unpacked from the car, the box room is looking more like my bedroom again (rather than a cupboard), and I've got over the shock of being able to get some breakfast after 09:15.

It still hasn't really sunk in that I've completed a third of my university career, and it's strange to think of most of the people I know still revising for exams and enjoying college dining. This makes writing a look back over the last few months a little more challenging, but it does mean you're spared all the emotional gubbins.

First and foremost I should make clear that I've really enjoyed my first year of student life. Since moving to Sheffield, I've met some really fantastic people who I hope I'll keep in touch with; I've learnt a lot of things, not just in lectures but from being with people from all around the UK and the world. I used to think I was up on my knowledge of life outside Kent -- I watched Byker Grove, for goodness sake -- but I never clocked that life is at once totally different and remarkably similar.

I've done things that I would (and could) never have done if I hadn't gone to Sheffield: from football games and music concerts to picnics in the Dales and paternosters, I've got no regrets. Plus, the madcap memories: drunken running races, people throwing kettles full of water at other people, getting far too excited at the sight of ducks and squirrels, offending seminarers, teaching nursery rhymes to Cypriots... hopefully next year will be more of the same.

Favourite Sheffield sighting:
Walking past the newsagents in half term, and there's a group of kids outside. One jumps down off the wall he was sitting on, walks towards the shop, then -- remembering something important -- suddenly stops and spins around again. "What were they called again?" he asks his mates: "Old Holborn" comes the exasperated reply.

This time last year, I was still going through my A-levels and had absolutely no idea what I could expect in the next twelve months. This year I've just completed my first year exams, with a slightly nervous wait to find out if I'll be allowed back in next year but with an even greater sense of wonder at what next year -- more independent than ever, living in a house -- will be like.

To everyone who helped make uni life so enjoyable, thanks very much: I hope all your exams have gone OK, and I hope you have a fantastic summer. I'll see most of you next year, back in the city of seven hills... bring on the barbecues, house parties and informal gatherings!

#50 Meh

Well that's it, I'm done. My last exam, English Literature, ended at noon (although to be honest I was back in my room and enjoying a beer at 11:15) so that's the end of my first year at uni. To top it all, it's a sunny day and England have literally just bowled out Sri Lanka in the cricket for very little.

This week I've had two exams - neither went brilliantly, but neither was a disaster either; I've been to a rather scary dental appointment (it's not very reassuring when the person setting up your X-ray has a badge saying "Sheffield Hallam University"); I saw "Goodnight And Good Luck" at the union cinema; and we celebrated Ollie Shaw's birthday on Saturday...

Photographic evidence: Click here


Since coming to Sheffield, I've...
▪ Become a pirate
▪ Changed my name
▪ Been introduced to Rubicon, Real McCoys and pies
▪ Ridden a paternoster
▪ Heard my first real Owl
▪ Been to watch the Blades play
▪ Taught nursery rhymes to a Cypriot
▪ Met a bunch of weirdos
▪ Met a (bigger) bunch of fantastic people

Things I won't miss
▪ Being able to hear next-door's hot tap
▪ "Missing" breakfast
▪ A severe lackage of Friday lie-ins
▪ TV "rooms"
▪ Ranmoor food
▪ Ranmoor buildings
▪ Ranmoor doors
▪ Ranmoor halls

Random fact:
The £1 coin has a scrap value of roughly 5p, the £2 coin around 8p. The 50p at 4p is worth less than the 20p, at 5p.

#49 Final countdown

In one week from now, my first year at university will be over. Completely finished. Done and dusted. My final exam starts at 9am on Thursday 25th, and it's all over by noon. The plus side of this is that I have from a week today until September 25th before I have to start worrying about coursework, lectures and seminars. The down side of this is that this week has been utterly mental.

I've been sorting out next year's module choices, writing essay after essay, organising appointments and meetings and preparing for exams on top of all the normal chores that get in the way of uni work (washing, shopping, dining, Doctor Whoing, Facebooking, etc.). Tomorrow, I have to write 2,500 words on Early American Literature. Wish me luck.

Blasts from the past:
▪ Badger Girl
▪ Earth Warp
▪ Through The Dragon's Eye

Five months too late, my New Year's Resolution has kicked in. I've started going running every evening in an attempt to raise my fitness level above Michelle McManus's. Luckily, the road nearby is both (a) just the right length to go for a meaningful-but-not-heart-attack-inducing run, and (b) one of the few fairly flat roads in the city. It's not the most challenging route in the world, but I've simply got to start somewhere.

Annoying advert of the week:
"We've traced the call... it's coming from inside the house!!"
How can a call come from inside the house???

I shelled out £3.90 for a CD this week (which came with a free copy of Q magazine... or was that the other way around?) full of cover versions. The Sugababes cover 'I Bet You look Good On The Dancefloor' appallingly, some Jazz singer covers 'Wonderwall' brilliantly, and Nick Cave of all people covers 'Disco 2000' freakily. I'm not sure why I chose to include that in this week's blog... possibly because I haven't actually managed to do much else this week. Sigh.

Number of magpies seen today:
Four in one go... enough for a boy (or a birth)

#48 The week in pictures

Friday

Saturday

Sunday

Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday

#47 NOC

Well, another week has passed, blah blah, etc. etc. As I’ve been told to get some blog down for last week... let’s get on with it, shall we?

Friday, and off to the Union cinema to see Jarhead. It’s about a soldier who goes off to fight in the first Gulf War (the half-finished one) and then finds it hard to return to civilian life afterwards. Not a bad film, enjoyable as it was, but I can’t really say that I came back from it with anything more than I went in with. Apart from my ticket stub, of course.

The Bank Holiday weekend was unfortunately spent doing work. Yes, an English essay due in for the Tuesday meant that Sunday and the best part of Monday were spent staring at a computer screen/book/cloud while I tried to get 2,000 words out of some Renaissance poem.

Wednesday and it starts to get interesting: down to City Hall to see the legendary Morrissey perform. After a fairly warm day, I decided to treat myself to an ice cream before the gig began, safe in the knowledge that I could eat it way up in the Circle and not feel embarrassed. Then the fire alarm went off, and we all got marched outside -- me stumbling along with a (melting) After Eight magnum -- and told to wait outside for about ten minutes.

Morrissey (during the gig):
"There was a fire alarm earlier tonight and we all got escorted out of the building... the call was traced to Q magazine"

Indeed, the whole night was full of witty quips such as this one. Opening band Sons & Daughters had to put up with their fair share of hecklers (annoyed at having to wait slightly longer to see Morrissey). Here's just a selection...

Lead singer [in an attempt to stir up the crowd]: "Are you alright?!"
Audience [rather pathetically]: "Mmmm"
Lead singer [fed up, sarcastic]: "Oh, so-so then."

Morrissey fan [during Sons & Daughters set]: "We want Morrissey!!"
Lead singer [annoyed]: "We want Morrissey too, but we can't have him."

Lead singer: "This is our last song"
Morrissey fan [the same one]: "Hooray!"
Lead singer: "Yeah, this one's for you"

As for the man himself? Well, apart from some questionable shirt-wearing for a man of his age, Morrissey was fantastic. I'm not a massive fan of his new album, but live the songs sounded great. New track 'Gang Lord' had a catchy opening and reassured me that he has still got some decent music in him. Classics 'How Soon Is Now?' and 'Girlfriend In A Coma' were excellent, and the best songs from "You Are The Quarry" allowed everyone to sing along to some of his new stuff too. Well worth the "£3.50 ticket price" (Morrissey's words, not mine).


After voting in the General Election, and the Union Elections, not one of my chosen candidates got in. Curse you, Howard Stoate. Regardless, the opportunity to vote in the Sheffield Council Elections presented itself on Thursday, and it was down to the lovely village of Ranmoor for a quick vote and a celebratory afternoon pint. Despite not having electricity where he lives, country bumpkin Ed and myself managed to cast our votes with no problem at all... Unfortunately, cheeky Liverpudlian scamp Tom Carlin almost committed electoral fraud on two occasions within two minutes, not realising the significance of a secret ballot.

Sadly, Labour got in again.

If only...
You could "save up" magpies.
(I'd have a baby boy by now, or possibly some silver)

The Apprentice update: I now want Michelle to win. It wasn't the sob story that they insister on repeating to us that won me over, just the recognition that Badger is such an obnoxious cow.

Bernard's Watch update: Bernard's... was only filmed during the Summer holidays, and all the money the lead earned from the role is still in a savings account should he ever need it. It is also not true that the actor in question punched someone who called him "Bernard" in real life. Fact.

#46 Easy living

This last week has been fairly mental. I don't feel like I've been away from the place because the routine has fallen into place so quickly again. The only noticeable difference is my official itBox partner, but both are as obsessed with the thing as the other, so there's no great shift.

Facebook quote of the week:
Work like you don't need the money,
love like you've never been hurt,
and dance like nobody's watching.

Having been disappointed with Morrissey's new album (bought last week), I was rather hoping that The Streets' latest offering might help to balance things out. And, boy, does it.

There are few albums that once I've heard for the first time, can't stop listening to - on constant repeat - for the next few days. "The Hardest Way To Make An Easy Living" is one of them. It's taught me latin (Momento Mori ), it details how to make £300 using only a dog and a pub landlord, and it's cleared up the mystery of what Mike's manager is saying on the phone (when not garbled and censored). It's brilliant, I suggest you go and buy a copy.

New catchphrase of the week:
I know!

This weekend's looking fairly busy. There's an essay to be written, a film to go see, a picnic to be attended, the University Beer Festival to browse, World Championship snooker to be watched... yes, it's tough at the top. I also have to get my hair cut next week before trapesing around the city in search of jobs. My lack of qualifications in the Dough & Savouries field has ruled me out of any job at Coopland's Bakery, but I'll have to be quick before all the local kids go and nab all the summer jobs. Then on Wednesday evening I'm off to see Morrissey (yes, I know what I said earlier) and Thursday is an opportunity to vote in the local elections! Woot!

Replacement chant for "Your dad works for my dad":
- Give me an E!
- E!
- Give me an E!
- E!
- Give me an E!
- E!
- What do you get?
- Into Hallam!

#45 Eggs

Blimey, where have the Easter holidays gone? Going back to Sheffield tomorrow feels far too soon (although in fact this is probably just down to reluctance to work), but then it also feels like ages since I was last north of Watford Gap. Bizarre.

Either way, I've really enjoyed being back for a few weeks. I felt at Christmas time that I didn't really make the most of my time at home re: seeing all my friends and actually getting stuff at home sorted out. Granted, I still have to re-wire the phone line and sort out the loft... but they can wait a few weeks longer. Plus my holiday hasn't been over-shadowed by essays and work this time, either. Add a generous helping of Easter eggs and chocolate to the mix, and it's been good fun.

Out last week for Rasell's birthday, I discovered possibly the smallest pub in town (in the form of The Two Brewers, where the beams helpfully warn "Watch out! 5 ft. 8 in.!"), the joys of some obscure bottled beer in The Litten Tree, and met Jack/Luke and Palmhead from my junior school. A fairly random night, topped only by the request of my next-door neighbour (the one who plays Hard-Fi's "Stars of CCTV" at full blast between 09:00 and 12:00 every day) to keep the noise down. Ahem.

Childish as my behaviour has been this week, it hit me last night just how grown up we're all getting now. I think I'll be lucky to see some people this summer, what with their plans to go globe-trotting and working and studying... luckily it's just made me more determined to make an effort to get out and visit people.

Cure for slight melancholy:
An entire tube of Polo Spearmints and an evening watching the snooker.

Tomorrow I'm back in Sheffield, then, currently the snooker capital of the world. It's been great watching the World Championships on telly this week, for some reason snooker is one of those things that I can watch for hours on end without fearing for the adverse affect it may be having on my brain. The trouble is, watching the players make such light work of the game may have filled me with a false sense of confidence in my own game. I'll have to remind myself not to take on the difficult/trick shots.

Strangest dream of the week:
"Waking up" to the sounds of BBC Radio 4, and then finding myself to be at the centre of the row over replacing the traditional UK Theme and Church bells the station plays. Beyond that, not much- it all goes hazy again. Analyse that. No please, what the hell does that mean?

Finally, Happy Birthday to HRH The Queen. Long may you continue to keep Charles from being King.

#44 Death

I've been enjoying having the house to myself for a few days this week. It was great to be able to lie in bed with a good album on the record player and not have to worry about waking everyone up, or getting up in the morning with sore ears from falling asleep with my headphones in. It has meant a slight decline in the standard of dinner, but we all have to make some sacrifices.

Playing this week:
Morrissey - "Ringleader Of The Tormentors"
(not his finest work, in my humble opinion, but good singles)

Determined not to return to Sheffield feeling disappointed that I hadn't seen enough of my friends in the break, it's been great to be able to meet up with everyone. From going down the pub with the usual suspects, to going to an "indie posers' club" in London and just having a gathering with Elyse and Adèle... I'm glad we've all met up, but I'm slightly dismayed that we really won't see much of each other in the Summer. To help co-ordinate meetings with those of you travelling abroad this year...

Dates that I will be present in England:
2006: January 1 - December 31

The gathering has also strengthened my desire to be known as Bozz again. Hence, from this point on, "Steve/Stephen" is a purely formal introduction.

Another scary thought: there really isn't that long now until the end of the first academic year. I've got just four weeks of lectures when I return, and then it's straight into my exams. Literally: they're all finished within another week. This means I have even more time to work/continue my search for employment.

Proof you need a job:
You can't afford The Streets' new album

Found at last: my favourite advert:

If only all adverts were this amusing, and not as insanely annoying as the "quote me happy" Norwich Union ones. "Yeah, it's green, and its got 4 wheels... wow!!".

#43 Bank

This week’s blog is also for the benefit of my bank manager, who was slightly concerned that my account would soon run out of cash.

That is, of course, an exaggeration, but this week has been another example of haemorrhaging cash at an alarming - albeit typically ‘student’ - rate. Thursday last was a day spent travelling home and, despite the fact it cost me 40p more to get from London to Dartford than from Sheffield to London, meant there wasn’t too much dinero lost. The weekend soon reversed this trend.

Friday night was my first trip on the mighty Fastrack (pronounced fast-rack) bus route. Handily, there’s a stop right outside my house, so the trip into Dartford is now able to be completed far more lazily than ever before. The route also takes you right past Dartford’s new stadium - it’s great to be able to see Princes Park taking shape.

From the “Royal Victoria Mill” stop (aka the bottom of East Hill - not quite as glamorous a name), it was to the Paper Moon where the whole crew met up again and enjoyed a few beers at a rather leisurely pace! Old habits die hard, clearly... Once we’d all got ourselves organised we could head up to Lahndahn and the Walkabout in Temple for Mandeep’s birthday celebrations.

It was a good night, topped with a journey to Mandeep’s Chelsea flat (via Trafalgar Square and the nearby Tesco Express), then a ridiculously early-morning trek to the train station to get back to Dartford. My attempts to board the night bus with a railcard were met with much mirth from the losers I had to accompany home, but then one of them did manage to fall off a bus shelter bench, and get stuck down the back. Once again, Fastrack proved its worth, with a surprisingly busy 06:40 getting us home.

Not much opportunity for sleep presented itself on Saturday before going out again to the legendary S&G Cricket Club Race Night presented by Racenite on a night of races™. A promising start to the evening saw us come within just one question of the Trivial Pursuit jackpot... Sadly, that question was “What is the international dialling code for Norway?”. Still in a fairly confident mood though, we took our seats for the evening’s racing. Although most of my bets could more accurately be called donations, we did manage to raise some money for the kitty which would be used for later in the week.

That use was for the taxi home from Amadeus, possibly the greatest nightclub in Rochester. It was my first time there, too, so the excitement was all the more intense... Whether it was the Turbo Stellas, or Deal Or No Deal, or just the darn good music, it was a top class night out.

Having played football on Tuesday too, I’ve pretty much caught up with everyone from back home now. Pretty much, because my plans to go and see Elyse and Adèle last night were scuppered by Ms. Sumner feeling poorly and my car deciding to stop working in the middle of Swaledale Road. Obviously, that’s not the best start to a journey through a busy road tunnel...

#42 "When you're stressed and feeling blue"

Greetings from the National Express. Although I mentioned to several people that this journey would involve an attempt by me to talk to as many people as possible on board, this plan has been shattered by the fact that I am surrounded by an entire family of people talking... Well, I don’t know what they’re talking actually. Even if there was anyone remotely Anglo-Saxon sitting near me, conversation would be made impossible by the constant warbling of the aforementioned family’s infant. As a result, I’ve resorted to writing this blog on the coach, and indulging in some podcasts.


Since going to Sheffield, I’ve broken away from The Daily Telegraph, and instead begun reading The Guardian instead. There are several reasons why I prefer it: for one, the language and content is far less stuffy; for seconds, its Media section on a Monday is unmatched anywhere else; and thirdly because, in an age where newspapers are losing readers to the internet, the Guardian is becoming more and more like a website. Every page is in colour, every page has pictures, and practically all content is available online too. Perhaps the greatest feature, though, is their new podcast. It is the perfect example of how newspapers can ensure their survival. Published every day at 12 noon, it updates you on the stories you may have read in the morning’s print edition, and it encourages you to buy the next day’s paper too. Plus, it’s all read in Northern tones (and they get away with a bit of swearing, to boot).


Strange sighting of the week:
A man who had clearly mistaken pod casting for ghetto-blasting: walking down the street with a ghetto blaster in a plastic bag (to stop it getting wet) and listening to BBC Radio Manchester - twisting himself into stranger and stranger shapes in order to get decent reception. Bizarre.


I made the mistake this week of staring the Guardian’s “Quick” crossword. After being drawn in by a few obvious clues, I was hooked. Despite staying up until 2:00 the next morning (with occasional flashes of genius), I was left with two clues remaining by the time I had to go and buy the solution. Incidentally, the answers are Footman (6) - Flunky, and Lively, Exhilarating (6) - Breezy.

Service Station just passed: Tibshelf

Saturday this week was fairly hectic. With the sun out and shining, no further excuse was needed to venture into town for a traditional mid-day/afternoon pint. Bar S1 continued the summery theme with some old-skool Summer tracks, starting the day’s activities (erm... Drinking) off in earnest. After a brief interlude for a film (see below), it was off to Pop Tarts for an evening spent practically entirely in the 80s and 90s room. Class.

Films seen this week:
Narnia (not the greatest film I’ve ever seen, it’s fair to say) and March of The Penguins (probably the best penguin-based documentary I’ve ever seen, it’s fair to say)

Seen on the coach:
To obtain First Aid kit, break glass

Quote of the week:
“Can you make sure that’s locked shut please - it’s a fire escape”


Living in range of London, you forget just how bad local radio station jingles are - like Trax FM: Local radio for Doncaster and Bassetlaw (which I’m still not sure even exists).

Wanadoo offer double speed broadband for the same price that we're paying at home now... But for “new customers only” (said in a really spiteful voice on their ad, too) - which is annoying.

#41 Smorgasbord

Finally, hello and welcome to this week's star-studded edition. Recent entries have been frankly dull, and as any good Media student will tell you, "content is king": therefore, there's even some pictures here.

Essential student supplies

It's fair to say that I'd never heard the word "Rubicon" before I came to Sheffield, but now it's become an essential part of student life. If you have never enjoyed a can of Passion Fruit Rubicon, get up now, search out a chip shop and buy a can. It is (without doubt) the nicest thing to drink, especially after a good night out down the local. Equally as good - but in crisp form - are McCoy’s. I always used to eat Real McCoy’s when I went to primary school, but then switched allegiances to Walkers when... well, when everyone started buying Walkers crisps instead. But now I've seen the error of my ways. A few beers, a packet of McCoy’s, and a Rubicon on the way home: the perfect night out.


Annoying student commitments

I mean work, of course. This week I had a barrel-load of work dumped on me, although in all fairness it was daylight at the time, and someone shouted "Look out! Barrel!" well in advance. It was slightly different this time around though, because one of my essays was a 72-hour assessment: set on Monday morning with a strict deadline in 72 hours' time. With a Philosophy essay due in for today as well, I've probably done more work this week than in any other. Sacrifices had to be made though (Sorry Elyse, but I just didn’t get the chance to go and see “Crash”).

On a more positive note, I’ve now got all my marks back from last term’s work, and I’ve managed to scrape through all my courses with flying colours, so that’s all done and dusted. Indeed, I managed to get a 2.1 in Biblical Studies: a course I completed without ever once looking in/at an actual Bible.

Words I managed to get into my English Literature essay:
Phantasmagoria, Smorgasbord, and Extra-terrestrial


Television and Interweb

Surprisingly, if there’s one thing I don’t really miss from the Real World is television. When I’m at home, sitting on the sofa and watching Freeview for hours on end seemed like such a productive pastime. But I’ve realised now that there’s not really that much on that I’d really like to watch. Of course, you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone, but the interweb has helpfully stepped in. As well as watching The Apprentice, I can now see Never Mind The Buzzcocks too. Now if only they’d put Sky News online...

Still on The Apprentice, my love affair with the show continues. It also amazes me just how many stereotypical images of London landmarks they manage to squeeze in to the programme! When not showing off Docklands though, it’s necessary viewing. Sir Alan just gets sharper every week: his brutal honesty reminds me of someone here, and that always makes me smile. As for the participants... What are they thinking half the time? This week’s auditions for their commercial actually made me cringe.

Paul: Erm, can you just, erm, walk around for a bit?
Actor: Er... OK


Radio show of the week:
XFM’s Remix - it’s like Smash Hits’ Mashed Hits, but for indie kids


Facebook loser of the week:It was inevitable really... Just two weeks after I shot Ed Callow down in flames, his clone/brother Tom decides to try and “be my friend” instead. I blame the parents. In other Facebook news, the Bernard’s Watch group continues to go from strength to strength... 43 members now, and counting.

Division 3 Football:
Saturday saw a trek over the mountains to the picturesque fishing village of Stockport, where (for reasons that sounded good at the time) we witnessed the derby game between Stockport and Cheshire rivals Macclesfield. Highlights included traditional football chants, being greeted in a pub by someone I’d never met before with “Yarr, Captain!”, and failing to find a single street without a Robinson’s pub. Game not such a highlight... Macclesfield lost 0-2, but that still leaves this season’s aggregate as 6-2 to them!

Scab! Scab! Scab!One of our English Literature seminarers (who I won’t name for legal reasons) is possibly the biggest scab this week: despite the fact his union is refusing to do any work connected with assessments, he is continuing to tell us how to write our essays, and says he’ll have them marked in two weeks.

Email of the week:
This is absolutely genuine, sent to all Ranmoor residents on Wednesday:

Subject: Internet Based Personality Questionnaire

Hello, I am a trainee clinical psychologist at Sheffield University, and am looking for volunteers to complete an Internet based questionnaire. The questionnaire looks at personality characteristics, and is totally anonymous. It takes about 25 minutes to complete, and your information will form part of my control data. This will be compared against a sample of people with an interest in sadomasochism (S&M). If you happen to have an interest in S&M, then you will be able to indicate this towards the end of the questionnaire. The results will be shown on my website in August 2006. A link to my website is provided below, where you will find my contact details and a link to the questionnaire...

#40 Effort

I really don't know what it is about this week, but everyone seems to be getting lazier. There is an increasing reluctance to go to any lectures, do the reading for a seminar, or even get up in the morning. I can only assume this latter issue is down to the miserable weather outside: for some reason, the sound of rain slapping my window doesn't make me want to jump up and seize the day...

Obviously, I have been doing some work. I had an assessment in for Tuesday for English: it looks increasingly likely that over the Summer I will not be reading a single book for pleasure, simply because I've got fed up of them. Usually I don't mind picking things apart and finding fault, but when I can't spot a single use of modern English within a whole chapter, I start to get slightly despondent.


Facebook losers of the week:
Phil Taylor - I know he's a legend, but still...
Scott Standing - I'll admit that before I saw his picture, I wouldn't have been able to pick him out of a room with only one person in it. Even if that person was wearing a badge saying "I am Scott Standing". And there was a big arrow pointing at him saying "Scott Standing". And his Mum and Dad standing outside saying "That's our son, Scott Standing, that is". I think I've made my point.

While on Facebook: If you've signed up, please join our new group: do a search for Bernard's Watch: The College Years and you'll find it. Safe in the knowledge that Bernard is too anti-social to ever join Facebook, it's a fantastic in-joke. It's even funnier than the IB, therefore I BS group, which makes me smile because it proves I was right all along.


A victim of its own success this week must be the BBC Two website, which was so clearly overloaded that I haven't been able to catch up with The Apprentice this week. Bah! Luckily, I've been listening to some classic Alan Partridge shows on the Radio Player instead. I'm also relieved that I can still get XFM London on my digital radio... there was a real danger they'd replace it with the new XFM Manchester station, and that would have driven me round the bend.


My contribution to the Philosophy lecture this week:
"Not Bracket P Arrow Bracket Q Versus R Bracket Bracket"


Next week, I have a 72-hour essay to do... this means it gets set on Monday morning and is in for Thursday morning. Although slightly panicked at first, I soon recognised that I usually leave all my essays to the last 72 hours anyway, so there's not much of a problem.


Finally, after months of building tension, the great Pool Rules Debate finally erupted this week. Issues under contention were: the number of shots allowed on the black, only being allowed to strike the cueball forwards after being replaced on the table, and the definition of a "free ball".

After consulting the internet, it turns out none of us was completely right or wrong, so the creation of the new Sheffield University Pool Rules has taken place. "Peace In Our Time".

#39 £8

Due to industrial strike action, this week's entry has been put together in five minutes.

The Apprentice:
Blimey! How difficult do the two teams want to make it for themselves? You are never going to find a dinner jacket in Camden Market! You won't get cooked lobsters from a fish stall in the East End! Don't spend two hours, forty-five minutes drawing plans on flip-charts! Most of all - don't then pretend that it isn't all your fault at the board meeting to look good in front of Sir Alan!! "I don't know if you're just a bloody nutter" has to be one of the greatest quotes from the series.

Sheffield United vs Crewe:
The trick here is to buy student tickets, forget your NUS card when you get to the turnstiles, and then blag your way into the Kop amongst all the hardcore fans who know every song. Or at least, that's what I've been told by the jammy Midlanders who did this. Also, why did no one else in the Gordon Lamb Upper Stand chant "You're not singing anymore!" when the half-time entertainment ended?

Strike Action:
Strike action on Tuesday meant a day off for me, and a day waving placards for my lecturers and seminarers. Give them more money! No seriously, do, else we won't get all our essays marked and our end-of-year exams look in jeopardy. Actually...

Facebook:
The whole Facebook debate continues. Will the losers who I've never actually spoken to please stop trying to be my friend. Do you even understand how Facebook works? Do you realise that the people with "347 friends" don't actually know 340 of them? They just think that they should add them because they happen to live in the same campus/city for 6 months a year. Get some real friends, and you'll recognise what a waste of time Facebook is.

Yes, I'm talking to you, Ed Callow. You sad, lonely retard.

The Away-Goals Rule is stupid.

Emily Maitlis never really pulls off the "friendly" interview quite well enough.

Renaissance English Literature is also stupid. And dull. Stupid and dull.

Snow:
Going out of an evening, even though it's snowing: the mark that I'm slowly becoming Northernised. Luckily, it was the same night as the Sheffield game, so it was out with The Yellow Ball.

Thunderbird is brilliant.

#38 Captain's log

Sunday, 26th day of February
Woken at around an hour before high noon by a shout from some of the cabin boys. It seems that stove that warms the shower water has broken. Luckily, as a result of attending the Leadmill tavern on Saturday eve to watch the Delays band, 'twasn't I who had the displeasure of being showered with water as cold as Arctic ice. It being the Sabbath day, work to repair the stove will have to wait until the morn of the 27th...
Delays good... 'Valentine' absolutely fantastic, as was 'Long Time Coming', although their improvisation skills need improving after a near-death in the front row. Yarr, that be a slight exaggeration...

High noon, 27th
We continue to lie stranded among the Seven Hills of "Sheffield". We be surrounded on all sides by water, and tempests continue to rain down: these Seven Hills risk becoming the Seven Seas. Alas, there still be none for us to clean the latrines with. Plans for us to raid another block for us to use their bath chambers are formulated.
The Afternoon, same day
As a result of our invasion, a new rivalry has opened between the fleets of H and G... there be some murmurings from some of the cabin boys that their showers be better than ours, but they be no match for the fact that we don't need to jump ship to get to them...

28th
Nothing to report until late evening, when a message is passed around that the water will be returned by the first of the third month. Some fear for flooding when the water returns, but none are realised.
Some of the shipmates fry some 'pancakes', but our galley's stove is broken and there is no water to clean the pans with afterwards... poor sub-standard offering from the main kitchens fails to satisfy. We sail to the South Seas in the evening, where flagons of ale are sold for a single gold coin.

The Month of March
Hot water returns, although some scurvy dogs have laced it with "The Chlorine". None of the crew are advised to drink the stuff. By evening, all is restored back to normal (although we do now have access to the E, F and G blocks).

Head for the Leadmill tavern again, evening, after watching battle between English and Uruguayan fleets. Captain Beckham's fleet victorious, with Joe Cole putting in a first rate performance. Also noted ship for carrying hideous freak from a town called Macclesfield: "the boy who survived the stretching rack"... some say he was 12, others 21.


OK, Enough of the crap Pirate clichés now.

The Apprentice was watched again... it's fantastic viewing, with the frankly loopy Jo proving hugely entertaining and 'Invicta' proving increasingly frustrating. It's only week 2, but I'm hooked already.

Also... Voted in the Union Elections - it's Results Night Live in Bar One tonight; I've (sort of) converted another to Firefox this week; Started planning what to do next Tuesday... when the university goes on strike, of course!!


Found written on desks this week:
Q: Are thunderbolts and lightning very, very frightening?
A: Galileo!

Life is wonderful and meaningless
(the answer to life, the universe and everything)

Even Buckingham Palace eats Corned Beef

Σκατά

Songs

Enjoying this week:
Hot Chip - 'Over And Over'
Delays - 'Valentine'
Sash! - 'Encore Une Fois'
Mark Ronson - 'Just'

Not sure about:
The Streets - 'When You Wasn't Famous'

Avoiding like the plague this week:
Sparks - 'Perfume'

#37 Ninjas, Scissors and Frisbees

We start with a teaser this week: Whilst in the South Seas pub a couple of weeks ago, we found a leaflet promoting "Cutting Edge" in Sheffield: but just what is "Cutting Edge"? Is it...
A: A hairdressers?
B: A new glam-rock club night?
C: A stage show put on by the drama soc?
D: None of the above?
answer below


Hello again. It's shaping up to be a pretty busy week this, erm... week, what with the uni work starting to pile up and increased demands on my time from avoiding said work.

Due to utter laziness last week, I actually spend a large chunk of last weekend doing work, or at least wading through our ridiculously large course pack. That was until Saturday night when it was down to the union to continue what appears to be a new trend: going and watching rather a lot of films. This week was the turn of Tim Burton's Corpse Bride and there are a few more pencilled in for the next few weeks (I won't mention them here, because I realise now that I'll merely repeat the same information in next week's blog).

Number of pages in American Literature textbook: 956
Number set to read for seminars/lectures: 56


Sunday also saw the resurgence of another tradition, that of the Sunday Night Quiz Night. Alas, we've all but given up on the Notty House for any quizzage, so it was over to my New Favourite Pub, the South Seas for some wit-pitting action. The question master may not be up to Cax's standards, but the fiendishly difficult last round - all or nothing - and the alarmingly up-to-date questions seem designed to catch out us news-starved students. We didn't win, but we were close.

Legendary Cax Quote:
"The answer is, er... Zed Zed Top"


Kyra celebrated her birthday on Monday... people aware of my culinary tastes will be somewhat shocked but pleasantly surprised, I would hope, at the visit paid to Wokmania, the Chinesey restaurant on West Street. Highlights of the evening included back-to-back episodes of Takishi's Castle and Kyra's interesting ice cream concocktion.


On Tuesday I had my first Philosophy seminar. Our seminarer is called Bo, he's Danish, and he looks like Noel Edmonds. Having said that, he's very good at philosophy (in that we all left more confused than when we went in).


Who needs a slogan?
Vote for Logan.


Skipping quite quickly onto Wednesday, and it's evening: The Go! Team live at The Plug. Crazier than a barrel load of hallucinating monkeys on sherbet dip-dabs, they did not disappoint. From the beautiful 'Everyone's A VIP To Someone' to the simply mental 'Huddle Formation' and 'Ladyflash', the wonderful 'Hold Yr Terror Close' to one of my new favourites 'The Ice Storm'... it was a fantastic night. Ninja (the lead) wowed the crowd with her fantastic range: from rapping and toasting to melodic singing - and all within the same song - it was simply amazing. Plus we were treated to dancing from "Russia! India! Africa! Ireland! [and] ENGLAND!"...

I got the impression that many in the crowd didn't really know what The Go! Team were actually all about... I think that because the band are so respected in indie music circles, they were expecting your typical guitar band: the reason behind this thinking being the confusion/indifference/boredom on some faces, despite the fact the music was some of the most energetic silliness you're ever likely to see. I couldn't get down to the front, but I was moshing in my heart.


Thank you, thank you, thank you, BBC Two. For while you may not be up to the same standards as the frankly brilliant BBC Radio Player, you have put The Apprentice up to watch online. I've already developed a deep hatred for Syed, and the way he and Sam stitched up Ben this week was sickening. Not as bad as the tactics employed by the women's team, but still despicable. Roll on next week...


And finally...
▪ Virgin Megastore staff in Sheffield are surprisingly knowledgeable and helpful; ▪ Ranmoor Lawn Sport Of The Week: 1-man frisbee; ▪ 'Video Killed The Radio Star' is not - repeat, not - a Heart Club Classic; ▪ When the Go! Team lead marries Scally Tom, she'll be called Ninja Carlin(g); ▪ How to beat Ollie at pool: 5 pints


PS: The answer is D: Cutting Edge is in fact a self-harm support group.

Smile

Four things to smile about today

▪ I absolutely stormed my seminar this morning
▪ The fantastic Delays single Valentine is out today
▪ The old guy I stepped off the pavement to make way for actually said "Thanks"
▪ Our rooms have finally been cleaned!!!

Macclesfield

The burning question of the last few weeks has been "Macclesfield: is it in the North, or the Midlands?"

The correct answer, of course, is the Midlands, but this has been disputed by some Macclesfolk desperate not to be bunched in with the Brummies. Which is understandable, but wrong.

INCORRECT - note how daft the line looks as it kinks around Cheshire (where Macclesfield lies)

CORRECT - the map now looks far neater and it actually makes sense

#36 Blog wars

The warning shots have been fired... the stakes have been raised... The gauntlet has hit the floor. In a Thatcher-like move, this blog now faces stiff competition from its rivals (possibly in an attempt to improve the quality of choice for you, the consumer) (but probably not). Welcome, therefore to the new, all-singing, all-dancing Thursday blog.


We're already in week 2 here at Sheffield, and whilst that may annoy those of you that have been snowed under with work since New Year's Day, at least your family haven't been gloating to you that they are currently enjoying half-term this week. Despite the fact they're only doing mildly interesting things anyway (paintballing aside), it's till hugely preferable to the extremely tedious Renaissance English and Philosophy lectures that I've had to sit through this week...

Highlight of this week's lectures:
A discussion on the staple diet of moon-elephants
(it's cheese, obviously)


A fairly busy weekend (compared to my usual routine of sleeping off the week) was kicked off last Friday, down Ranmoor Bar (where else?) and celebrating Alice's Birthday. Although not celebrating the big "1-9" until Saturday, the bar was sadly all booked up for it's Valentine's Day special. That'll be the "Pimps & Hookers" party then. For fairly blatant reasons, this didn't really appeal so instead that night was set aside for a decent round of takeaway food...

Number of VK Cherrys needed to get Alice drunk
: ¼


Saturday day was taken up watching the rugby -- what with it being the one month that everyone is interested in egg-chasing -- and Saturday night spent down at the Union for Pop Tarts. Well, it makes a change from the same 30 indie songs being played at the Leadmill and any chance to dance to all the 1980s classics should never be passed up. In a moment of clear thinking that Mr Croasdell would be proud of, my "warm-up" music for the night was from none other than Heart's Club Classics. Oh yes.

It's gettin', it's gettin', it's gettin' kinda heavy
It's gettin', it's gettin', it's gettin' kinda heavy
I've got the power!!

How do you follow that display of high culture? Well with an arty Spanish film of course, and so I was down the fantastic Union cinema on Sunday night for Y Tu Mamá También ... plans to go and see Sophie Scholl were scuppered by my inability to read a clock (whoops) but with any luck, those skills will return and get me to Tim Burton's Corpse Bride on Saturday.


Adjective of the week:
Volcanic


And now, in order to fulfil this blog's new-found public service remit... the rest of this week's gwanings in bullet-point form

▪ The eagerly-awaited new and improved! Supertrams have arrived... the new and improvement stemming from the fact they've been painted blue; ▪ If you're a songwriter and your tune gets played on Channel 4, you get £14.69 in royalties... but if it gets played on ITV1, you get £52.36!; ▪ 3 actually pay you for receiving calls and texts now; ▪ Three things I miss from home: my car (I really want to go out for a drive), gas ovens (because they actually cook food properly), and Jazz FM (because I've got its jingle stuck in my head... but I can't remember how it ends); ▪ I've bought tickets this week to go and see noise-making nutcases The Go! Team for next week and indie rock gods Maxïmo Park for October (well, it gives me something to come back for); ▪ ...and bagged myself a new MP3 player for just £20 (I love Richer Sounds!)

Sad news story of the week: Simon (the sarcastic Jewish one) and erm... the other one have both left Popworld - probably because the producers were finding it increasingly difficult to get bands to appear on the show because it was seen as too nasty. This is the same week that Smash Hits magazine prints its last issue because it was too nice.


Here endeth the battle. See you again next week when I can conscript some more random bilge.